Children Coping Skills

What is coping? Coping refers to what a person does in order to avoid, remove, minimize, or “get through” a stressful situation. Coping is defined as the process of making adaptations to meet personal needs and to respond to the demands of the environment. The coping process uses personal resources to manage routines, frustrations, and challenges of daily life in ways that seek to maintain or enhance feelings of well being.

The way a child copes in a hospital environment can be influenced by many things, including: age, past medical experiences, family support, comprehension of diagnosis and hospitalization,  developmental level, and any other current stressors

Coping techniques and common reactions children use to get through difficult situations:

• Anger/ Aggression: although the frustration is derived from the uncontrollable situation, it can often be misplaced and directed at surrounding people
• Crying: a natural emotional release
• Deep Breathing or self-calming techniques: intended to divert or distract from the stressful situation
• Denial: The overall disbelief and shock that the situation is actually happening to them. This can sometimes carry over to rejecting necessary medicine, procedures etc.
• Escape: Similar to denial, focusing on a specific activity (i.e. video games or play) in order to avoid or pretend the stressful situation doesn’t exist
• Information seeking: Desire to know more about a situation in order to process or further understand. Some adults hesitate to allow their information-seeking children to be privy to more in-depth information but when sought out by the child allowing this access encourages their coping.
• Play: Can be used as a release and distraction. Some children talk about feelings or reinact real life situations in their play.
• Rebelliousness: Reasserting their independence in an effort to gain some control
• Regression: Reverting back to old routines or behaviors (ex. being more clingy) may remind them of a time when life seemed easier. Newly learned skills like potty training may temorarily take a back seat while they are adjusting to the many changes in their routine
• Selective Silence: Choosing not to talk reasserts their independence and is an overt sign of something they will always have control over; with whom they choose to speak.
• Submission: Child may react to challenges by becoming passive or withdrawn 
• Use of Fantasy: This can be very helpful, for example the child may view themselves as a "super hero" which can be a great motivator especially during procedures etc. You should also be the child’s “bridge to reality” for example when the child demands that superheroes do not do chores etc.

Child Life and Coping

Appropriate coping skills exist within every child, but sometimes the stress of hospitalization causes the skills to be temporarily threatened or minimized. Coping strategies are unique for each individual and skills that work for one person may be different than techniques that work for another but all deserve understanding. Often we hear parents witness a reaction listed above from their child and say, "I just don't know why she is acting this way. This just isn't her." We want you to know that while these behaviors may be out of character for your child/teen they are normal and seen among many children as they try to get through this challenging time in their lives. While understanding of where the behaviors are coming from is needed, appropriate limits and redirection to coping strategies that may be more positive or viable in a hospital setting is also your right as a parent; example "I know you are angry that you have to come to the hospital but it is not okay to hit the nurse. You are only allowed to hit your 'angry pillow.'" etc. Child life specialists are available to assist patients and siblings in creating and developing positive coping skills, plans, and techniques for events that will be challenging for them. Involving the child/ teen in the process of choosing the positive method that works best for them gives them back the control they were in search for to begin with. "Out of character" reactions are usually temporary and will decrease once new routines are established and your child/teen starts to feel more comfortable and secure.