Bravery in braids: How a crocheted hat helped St. Jude patient Kinsley heal

Five-year-old Kinsley’s braids clung to her head by just a few strands of hair, and she was ready.

Child life specialists at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital® had gently explained everything about her cancer treatment in words the newly graduated kindergartener could understand, including that chemotherapy might make her hair fall out. 

“Daddy’s going to cut his hair with you,” her dad, Julian, told Kinsley. Her mom, Kimberly, offered to do the same, but Julian teased that it wouldn’t be a good look for her. 

He sat in a folding chair to let Kinsley shave his head first, turning a tough moment for her parents into a fun one for Kinsley. “I told her dad’s hair might not grow back,” Julian said. They promised that hers would.

Then it was Kinsley’s turn. “It was hard in the moment,” Julian said. Her diagnosis in May 2023 of T-cell acute lymphoblastic lymphoma, a cancer of the lymph nodes that usually forms in the area between the lungs, shattered her parents. It was unbelievable that their bubbly, bouncy child could be so sick. Other moments followed that brought more heartache. Surgery to place a medical port in her chest. The harsh side effects of chemotherapy. 

Six weeks into her treatment, this was one of those moments. “It was the realization that this is really happening,” Julian said. He’d teared up as he carefully shaved his daughter’s head but didn’t let Kinsley see. Afterward, Kimberly asked Kinsley, “How do you feel?” “Awesome!” Kinsley said.

Kimberly crocheted a hat for Kinsley adorned with long brown yarn braids. Kinsley wore it everywhere, an armor of sorts against curious stares and questions. The hat somehow made her brave. 

‘A lot to process’

In the weeks before Memorial Day weekend 2023, Kinsley wasn’t her usual energetic self, though just slightly off, nothing that caused any alarm. A cough that the pediatrician thought was likely allergies. A laid-back Kinsley on their family vacation. An outing to the movies with friends Kinsley loved spending time with cut short because she wanted her mom.

Julian, a registered nurse, noticed Kinsley’s breathing was labored and, with his pulse oximeter, that her heart rate was high. The family rushed from their Tennessee home to the hospital, where an X-ray and then a CT scan revealed a mass in Kinsley’s chest, as well as the buildup of fluid making it hard for her to breathe. Tests on fluid drained from the mass indicated T-cell acute lymphoblastic lymphoma, and she was referred to St. Jude for treatment. 

Kimberly couldn’t take it all in. To her, all the medical talk sounded like the wah-wah voice of the teacher in those Charlie Brown shows. “I was just in caretaker mode,” she said, watching over her little girl. Julian is a dad first, but he had to go into nurse mode. “I was just trying to wrap my brain around it,” Julian said. With Kimberly so emotional, he tamped down his feelings to take notes and ask questions. “It was a lot to process,” he said.

Because Kinsley was too young to know what was at stake, she was adorably upbeat. “That’s probably what kept us strong, her upbeat attitude,” Julian said. “We really had no choice but to be the same way.” Kinsley still wanted to play, painting pictures, sewing and driving remote-controlled cars down the hallways. They put on music and danced.

For sure, Kimberly and Julian had tough moments, worried, afraid and sending up prayers, but they took their cues from Kinsley. “She gave me most of my strength from day to day,” Kimberly said. “We didn’t really have time to be sad. Her spirit would take your mind off what was going on.”

Dancing through chemo

A few weeks later, Kinsley got to go home. The family lives close enough to return to St. Jude for treatment twice a week. Taking Kinsley home gave Kimberly and Julian hope. Not every family gets to do that. So, they still danced each time Kinsley went back for chemotherapy, her yarn braids flying as she twirled.

Kinsley was homeschooled for the first half of first grade, pulling on her hat when the teacher came to their house twice a week. When Kinsley returned to school after Christmas break, she wore the hat, no matter the weather.

Kinsley felt empowered in her hat, confident, even when she got teased.

When Kinsley was invited to share a quote over the school’s intercom during morning announcements, she chose what Christopher Robin famously told his friend Winnie the Pooh in the 1997 film, “Pooh's Grand Adventure”: “You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

That summer after first grade, Kinsley would take off her hat at camp but only to go swimming. She tentatively handed her hat over at a friend’s birthday to play on a splash pad but put it back on as soon as she came out of the water

Even as Kinsley’s hair grew back, she insisted on wearing the hat. “It is her security blanket,” Julian said, a layer of protection between her and the world. “It’s comfort for her,” Kimberly said.

Her parents encouraged her to go without it when they went together to public places, out for dinner or to the movies, and she would. But no way would she go to school without her hat. 

“You’re not ready?” Kimberly asked. No, Kinsley told her, not yet.

‘Braver than you believe’

Kinsley is 7 now, back to her bouncy self. She’s still in treatment, taking oral chemotherapy at home and returning to St. Jude every four weeks for checkups and every eight weeks to monitor the presence of any cancer cells.

This summer, she’ll start swimming and track. (Her mom’s a runner, twice running the 10k in the St. Jude Memphis Marathon® Weekend, raising more than $11,000 for St. Jude.)

She’s in second grade. Recess and math are her favorite parts of the school day. 

On the Monday morning after spring break in March, Kinsley frantically searched the house before school but couldn’t find her hat. Julian helped her look with an eye on the time. They would have to leave without the hat. 

“I need you to remember this,” Julian said, repeating the quote Kinsley recited on the school intercom for the morning announcements in first grade.

Arriving at school, a staff member noticed Kinsley wasn’t wearing her hat and said, “Oh, I like your hair!” Kinsley beamed. 

When Julian picked up Kinsley that afternoon, she was all smiles. “Guess what, Daddy?” she said. “Everybody liked my hair!”

Kinsley has left the hat at home ever since. “She’s ditched the hat and hasn’t looked back,” Kimberly said. Kinsley was ready.