Self-Compassion and Seeking Support

Episode 7: Self-Compassion and Seeking Support

When a child is diagnosed with cancer or another serious illness, caregivers focus so much on their child’s needs that they may forget to care for themselves. Practicing self-compassion and seeking support are essential parts of the journey.

In this episode, host Erica Sirrine talks with parent Stacie Eirich and social worker Anna Shelley Johnson about the challenges caregivers face and the importance of showing kindness to oneself.

Stacie shares her family’s story, reflecting on the small acts of self-care and creativity that helped her cope while supporting her daughter Sadie through brain tumor treatment. Anna offers insights and practical tips for caregivers to nurture their own wellbeing and build resilience. The episode closes with Stacie reading her original poem that celebrates hope, love, and courage.

A special thank you to our host, Erica Sirrine, director of Social Work at St. Jude; our expert Anna Shelley Johnson, social worker at St. Jude; and our parent guest Stacie Eirich.

This episode was recorded on September 12, 2025.

Learn more about Sadie’s diagnosis of medulloblastoma on St. Jude Care & Treatment and Together by St. Jude™.

Listen to the Caregivers SHARE episode on Supporting Siblings for more insights into caring for the whole family while a child is in treatment.

St. Jude does not endorse any branded product or organization mentioned in this podcast.

Episode Transcript

Narrator (00:02)
A child’s diagnosis of cancer or another serious disease is difficult. Families, guardians and loved ones experience a range of emotions and often need support related to their child’s diagnosis and treatment. St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital brings you Caregivers SHARE, a St. Jude podcast. SHARE stands for Support, Honor, Advise, Reflect, Encourage. In this series, you’ll hear stories and insights directly from the experiences of St. Jude families and care providers.

Erica Sirrine (00:38)
Hi everyone. I am Erica Sirrine, and I serve as the Director of Social Work at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. I am very excited to host this episode of Caregivers SHARE because we’re talking about a topic that I frequently discuss with parents and caregivers. We’re going to learn today alongside parent Stacie Eirich and social worker Anna Shelley Johnson about the importance of caring for yourself while your child or teen is receiving treatment for a serious illness.

Since parents and caregivers are usually focused primarily on the medical needs or even the emotional needs of a child who’s sick, it really can feel counterintuitive to reach out to others for support or even to extend yourself moments of compassion along the way. So today, we’re going to discuss why this can be so important to do. And in many ways, I think caring for yourself might just be the recipe for ensuring that you are well equipped to support your child or adolescent who is undergoing treatment.

I am extremely grateful to be joined today by social worker, Anna Shelley Johnson, and parent Stacie Eirich. Anna, can you introduce yourself to us?

Anna Shelley Johnson (01:57)
Yes, hi, I am Anna Shelley Johnson, and I’m a social worker at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and I’m just really looking forward to our conversation today because in my experience working with caregivers, finding support and caring for yourself are difficult but so crucial to help you stay present for your child while they’re in treatment.

So, I’m excited to talk with y’all about things like being curious to how you’ve been coping and being open to new connections, finding small rhythms to keep some stability and seeing yourself with kindness. Thanks so much for having me.

Erica (02:31)
Thank you, Anna. And Stacie, I met you a few years ago when you were attending a caregiver support group, and I have genuinely enjoyed getting to know you and Sadie throughout the past few years. It really is an incredible honor to have you here today to share this space with you. So, I’d love it if you could just introduce yourself to our audience and tell us about your journey and maybe about Sadie as well.

Stacie Eirich (03:00)
Thank you so much Erica for having me here. I cannot believe that we are going on three years since I met you and since Sadie was diagnosed and this whole journey began for us. I’m Stacie Eirich, and my children are Sadie and Dylan, and at age 14, Sadie was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She then endured five brain surgeries and many complications.

And we transferred her care here in December of 2022, and she was given a specific diagnosis of medulloblastoma in the pineal region. And medulloblastoma itself is one of the most common pediatric brain cancers, but medulloblastoma in the pineal region, where hers is located, is extremely rare. She is one of seven ever documented children with this specific diagnosis.

And today we are extremely grateful that she is no evidence of disease, and that has been the case. She has been cancer free for two years.

Erica (04:18)
And our listeners don’t know this but we actually just all celebrated this alongside Sadie and Stacie right before we walked in to record this podcast and it was a true celebration.

Anna (04:29)
So exciting. Such a relief.

Stacie (04:29)
Yeah.

Erica (04:31)
Now, I think probably some of our listeners are thinking, oh my goodness, hearing Sadie’s story and what really strikes me is hearing five brain surgeries and nine months of treatment after. And so thinking about just how difficult caring for a child or a teenager with a serious illness can be… we know as social workers and you know as a parent that it really does take a toll on your physical health, your emotional health, even your spiritual or cognitive well-being.

And so, as helping professionals, Anna and I are often taught early on in our careers that we can’t pour from an empty cup. That’s the analogy that’s often used. And this really just means that we have to intentionally care for ourselves so that we have something stored in our emotional reserves to pour out to others. And many people refer to this process as self-care.

And so I’m wondering Stacie if you can tell us a little bit more about how some of these things impacted you while Sadie was in treatment. You know, were there days where your figurative cup felt empty, and if so, how did you intentionally fill your own cup so that you were better equipped to care for Sadie?

Stacie (05:51)
Absolutely. I think in the beginning, I was not. I know. I was not filling my cup. I think both myself and my husband, we were frozen. We felt lost. Broken, and there wasn’t really a plan yet for her care and this was through surgeries and it really caused us on a physical and mental level both of us to get to a point where we almost couldn’t handle it anymore. I was losing weight. I was popping into the bathroom to be physically ill.

And so that’s where we were and I wish, I wish that we had reached out and found ways to fill our cup earlier in the journey. Looking back. Today with hindsight I can say that, but we did get to the point after we were here and began her care, her treatment and her rehabilitation, we did both reach a point where and I certainly did start to take care of myself. Start to recognize that I needed self-care or I wouldn’t be able to move forward and help my child.

And so some of those things were very small. Small moments to myself. I would walk down the hallway from the hospital room just to get a coffee. I attended a caregiver meeting like where we met. I started reading little bits. I carried a poetry book with me through the clinic and brought it to the inpatient room. I wrote in a journal. I would sing a little when I felt like I needed just a little bit of maybe joy. I don’t think it was joy yet at that time, but it was a little bit of light, letting a little bit of light in.

I would just try to find a space to breathe in by myself. Again, just maybe right down the hall from Sadie. I would take a shower. And I know that sounds so elemental and don’t we all always take a shower? But I’m telling you sometimes as a caregiver you don’t, you forget, you are so focused on your child that that you forget you need those basic necessary self-care moments too.

I would walk outdoors. Sometimes you feel stuck inside the hospital, you need to get out of the building. Um and be able to do more than look out the window. You need to walk in nature and look up and see the blue sky. And just again, breathe. And be in a space where it’s not always about what’s happening in the hospital room at that moment. Where it’s for a moment you can, if possible, decompress. And be outside of what’s next in the in the care journey.

Erica (08:51)
Yeah. I love a few things about what you said. First, that you started small. So, I think a lot of people in the audience hear about the word self-care and we think, oh I need to do a 90-day plan to do something, right? To change my life or to take on self-care. And really, sometimes that’s overwhelming and that’s too much. So starting small with those very simple things that you mentioned to take care of yourself.

And I also really loved the imagery that you painted for us about a small way to let the light in.

Stacie (09:34)
I think of these as—again this is probably pretty poetic—but I think of these spaces these moments of light in darkness as motions of tenderness.

Erica (09:46)
Hmm.

Stacie (09:46)
Ways to seek out peace and comfort and find an emotional outlet.

Erica (09:53)
Yeah.

Stacie (09:54)
Those small motions of tenderness that we can make in a softly active way.

Erica (10:01)
Yeah.

Stacie (10:02)
To help ourselves be better, do better.

Erica (10:05)
Yeah.

Stacie (10:06)
Move to the next moment, the next minute, the next hour which is really in the hospital how it feels a lot of the time.

Erica (10:14)
Well, and you also brought up some of the emotions that you felt using the word frozen or broken. We hear caregivers of children and teens with serious illnesses describe many things just like you did. The feelings of distress or sadness or worry. Even just complete overwhelm sometimes. And first those are very normal. We know that those are really normal emotions. I’m wondering Anna if you can tell us more about some of these emotions. Maybe even including how a caregiver’s coping might be impacted by a child’s health.

Anna (10:54)
Yes, definitely. I think during the time of diagnosis and throughout a child’s treatment, it’s completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions. Sadness, worry, anxiety, fear, anger, shock, and like you mentioned Stacie feeling frozen. Maybe you actually aren’t even feeling very much emotion. And those intense emotions or just the shock itself can really overwhelm your functioning during a time like this. Especially when you don’t have a strong means of support.

A lot of times these emotions can impact your physical health like you mentioned, Stacie, feeling physically ill. It can impact your ability to get a good night’s sleep, for example, or you can lose your appetite altogether. You might also find yourself feeling really irritable with people who you love and typically have a lot of patience with. Or you might lack energy to engage with things that you used to just jump right into.

And on the other hand, we also know from research and just our own experience that caregivers, despite the intense toll that these things can take, also tend to be really resilient and tend to adapt and adjust really well to the treatment process. Particularly when they utilize those resources within themselves and outside of themselves for coping which I think is why it’s really important that we’re having this conversation today.

Erica (12:24)
You know, you mentioned resilience. I want to pause on that for a second because we often hear caregivers say, maybe in hindsight now I might know that I was resilient, but I didn’t recognize it at the time. Can you comment on that Stacie? Did you feel resilient in those moments?

Stacie (12:43)
At first? No. Absolutely not. I, no—I felt so scared. The fear is so high and I felt shaky and unsure, and as I said in the beginning I didn’t know how to reach out. I feel like I lacked the knowledge of really what was happening, what was going to happen, and without really a full plan for her care in the beginning I think that was what really started shutting me down. Really the loss of hope was real. And that’s where we were in the beginning of the journey.

And only later was I able to start making these motions of tenderness as I said to to reach to other caregivers and to ask my psychologist or Sadie’s psychologist and her team, whether it was a social worker like yourself, Erica, or our child life specialist—to ask them what what can we do either together or what can I do for myself, how can I take these actions to step away when I need to.

I never did hardly in the beginning. I don’t think I left Sadie’s side for nearly two months straight as she was in that first pediatric ICU. And this took a toll not just on me but on the rest of my family. On my husband and on my son. I struggle with that today because siblings in this journey get put in the background.

Erica (14:28)
Yes.

Stacie (14:28)
Right, they get nearly lost and he, bless him, he was amazing in that he knew his sister needed the focus and he never complained. And he kept his grades up and kept going to school and had other caregivers coming in—he hardly ever saw me. Hardly. For nearly a year. And he just rolled with the punches. And he’s younger than Sadie. 12 at the time, 13, now he’s 15. And stepping up at home, helping me today in ways… he has matured so much. But I feel that he might have not—I know he didn’t, at least in in the beginning, he wasn’t getting the support that he needed.

Erica (15:22)
I think that’s an important thing that we’ve actually talked about on the podcast before, supporting siblings. And the support not just for parents and caregivers, but for the entire family. So I’m really grateful that you brought that up. You also described this tenderness toward yourself, and that leads us into something that we often hear people talk about now which is self-compassion. We hear that along with self-care. Anna, can you tell us what self-compassion is and why it’s so important for caregivers?

Anna (15:54)
Yeah, I think it’s a really great question because I do think that people hear that term “self-care” and think it sounds really luxurious or maybe even selfish, especially when it’s in the context of having a child who is sick that you feel you should be focused on. But I like to think of self-compassion as a way of seeing yourself with the same kindness you would offer a dear friend.

Often with our friends or our loved ones we’re able to give them grace for what they’re going through, but then when it comes to ourselves we struggle to find that same compassion. I think it can help to imagine if a best friend were going through this, what words would I share with them when they’re exhausted or feeling like they’re not enough? And that’s self-compassion. Acknowledging the reality of your circumstances and your pain and responding to yourself with kindness. And self-care is really just putting that perspective into action and turning it into behaviors that help you be present with your child and just help lighten the load a little bit.

Erica (16:56)
I have a friend who often helps me practice self-compassion. If I say something that is not kind to myself, if I put myself down, if I blame myself for something, she’ll say, Hey! Don’t talk to my friend that way. And it’s exactly what you said. We often talk to ourselves in a way that we would never speak to anyone else. And it is that tenderness like you described, Stacie, that kindness.

So, what does this term mean to you? And I’m also curious as you tell us that, do you remember any specific ways that you chose to extend tenderness, kindness, compassion to yourself while Sadie was receiving treatment?

Stacie (17:44)
Yes. Erica, I think that self-compassion to me means opening yourself up to being kind and allowing yourself to do things that you love. And to find that thing that’s going to make you feel good and better able to do the other things you need to do in life. Whether that’s caring for your child or completing something for work. I think that we all, no matter if we’re on this kind of a journey or not, we all need to extend self-compassion to ourselves.

And I do that through the arts. At the moment she was diagnosed I thought, that’s it. I’m never singing again, I’m never writing again. I’m done with that. And so to be able to start that again and to have it still be such a vital part of our lives… During treatment Sadie and I, we were expressing ourselves through different forms of creativity and play almost from the time that we started her treatment.

And she began to rehabilitate and feel good enough, she was responding to treatments, and she felt good enough to sing songs, play games, paint pictures. We baked in the in the housing kitchens and we would build little things. She loves to act and I am a singer and we both love dressing up in in crazy costumes and dancing and being silly. Finding those sparks. And just having fun.

And we did these things at home before her diagnosis, and we kept doing those things in different more creative ways even through the pandemic. And so maybe that was some kind of practice for what was going to happen not too long later in 2022 when she was diagnosed and we began going through this journey and we still looked for wonder. And Sadie always brings—you know she does—she brings the laughter and the color.

Erica (20:03)
She does.

Stacie (20:06)
We look for ways to really foster curiosity and connection and ideas, creative ideas. And this keeps not only, I really think—I know it did it—helped Sadie as her brain began to heal and it helped with her mental health but also emotional and my myself right along with her.

And so the arts were crucial to us. It’s hard I think in our world, I know it’s hard to feel like the arts are not a luxury. Right? The arts are something we truly need. It’s not… they are not something secondary. They do need to be in our lives on an everyday basis and we just feel better. We’re happier and kinder to each other and more fulfilled.

And I honestly think of these creative things we do, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter… I’m sure that someone else’s creativity does not look the same as mine. And that’s great. We need those differences and different colors. I often talk of Sadie as a child of rainbows. That’s what she is. She’s every color of the rainbow and I love that. I love that in the children that I see here at the hospital too. And I think of these creative things we do as a path to our well-being. As a guidepost to hope. And a way to move forward.

Erica (21:49)
Yeah, and for you it was creativity and that was a really important piece of your healing and of the way that you extended compassion to yourself. And for others we know it might be engaging in exercise or athletics or people have all kinds of different passions and things that they love to engage with. And so, I’m wondering, Anna, if you have any insight into other ways that parents and caregivers might receive support or care while their child or teen is in treatment.

Anna (22:25)
Yes, absolutely. I think it can be helpful if you are a person who has the bandwidth to just engage first in some reflection about how you have been managing stress so far and whether or not that has been working for you.

If you can, just in a gentle way, notice what you tend to do in moments of stress or when you have an opportunity for down time. Is there a person you’re reaching out to? Are you scrolling on social media? And ask yourself, is this thing actually providing relief in the way that I hope it will?

And you know, if the group chat that you’re sending an update to every hour is actually bringing more stress and not less, maybe it’s something that you can tone down a little bit. Or maybe you love it and you want to talk to them more. But what you will need will change over time, so be flexible with yourself and be curious about what might be supportive in this particular situation.

And another thought is just to be open to new connections and sources of support. Your friends and family may not be able to relate to you in the exact same way that they did before. So, you might find it helpful to connect with someone who gets it a little more. Maybe it’s a social worker or a chaplain or another parent that you might meet in the waiting room or at a caregiver group. Your hospital might have a mentor program, or your social worker might be able to point you to an online group where you can connect with other caregivers.

It is a really difficult and vulnerable time to open up to new people. But could you maybe just find one person who you could imagine being in your corner.

Stacie (24:04)
It makes all the difference when you do find that one person. I resonated with so much of that.

Anna (24:12)
Mmhmm. Yeah. Well what I resonated with also of what you shared were those small things that Erica was pointing out. I think that is another really significant way to find support while your child is in treatment is just looking for those small rhythms and habits that can bring even the slightest bit of stability when your whole world is turned upside down in chaos. Those things that you mentioned—walking outside or taking a shower or listening to your favorite music—can keep your head above water when you feel like you’re drowning.

Stacie (24:46)
Yes. Yes. And that seems so intrinsic, so easy to do, but it’s hard in the moment to put your phone down and go take that walk. Look away for even five minutes.

Erica (25:00)
I wonder too, we hear sometimes that caregivers feel conflicted about taking care of themselves. So, Stacie, did you ever experience any feelings of guilt about this? You know and if so, what advice would you give to somebody listening who might be struggling with balancing these emotions with also their need for self-care?

Stacie (25:25)
I constantly felt like that. And it’s hard to walk away from your child. Really hard to walk away from your child who is fighting cancer. Even for a few minutes. Even when they seem to be doing well. They’re improving. And you really can walk away for that few minutes to maybe even eventually up to an hour. But I learned that I had to. For my mental health. For my identity—my self-identity that I felt that I was losing. And to also be able to keep caregiving.

And of course, I found it out the hard way. I told you earlier about how I started getting physically ill. I even had one of our main team doctors ask me what she might be able to do for me at one point because she recognized that I was on the edge. And that was when I knew that I had to. I had to walk away. Soon after that moment I did get really ill, and I absolutely needed to step away, not only for my health but for the health of the people around me. Sadie and everyone else around us, the other children and families in the hospital.

This was in the summer of 2023, and Sadie was undergoing some very aggressive chemo cycles. She went through a number of infections. Pneumonia, a collapsed lung, unplanned surgery to remove her port. All of these things were pretty scary. They weren’t the scariest that we’d been through, but this was the moment when I needed to call my husband and say, I have to have you here. And we were lucky that he was able to come and be by her side for that surgery, and the team did a great job responding to what she needed for her care. And she recovered well.

But that was the time when I just had to put aside my absolute need to be with her at every moment and say someone else has got it. Whether it’s the medical team, the support staff, or my husband. They had her. They took care of her, and it was the right thing to do.

Anna (27:52)
And I think that’s why it’s important to remember that self-care can start really small. There are some moments where maybe you feel like you genuinely cannot leave the bedside, but can you sit next to the bedside and put your phone down and take five deep breaths? Or can you turn on your favorite song while you’re still sitting in the room? Can you start small, even when it feels like I can’t leave and get my nails done for four hours or get a deep tissue massage. 

Stacie (28:25)
No, maybe not that. (laughter)

Erica (28:27)
That might not exist, yeah. 

Erica (28:28)
When I think about this idea of being compassionate towards ourselves, I also think about what you’re modeling for your child or teen who’s sick. You’re modeling the importance of caring for yourself. And that really is what all of treatment is. It’s a way to care for ourselves. And I… you know, Stacie, when I met you and we were inviting you into caregiver group, you were with Sadie and I remember her saying, Mom, you should go in! This is good. I remember her saying, You take care of me all the time. Go take care of yourself. Go meet other parents. 

The compassion and kindness that you have consistently extended to your child… in that moment I witnessed her extending it to you. And I think that that is how self-compassion can also be so beautiful. If that’s all anybody gets out of this podcast—something that Sadie shared with you, because it is so profound and it’s more profound than I think anything that we can say—then that’s worth it.

Stacie (29:38) 
And coming from a child that was still so ill at that point, and needed so much care and support, but she took that time to recognize that I also needed it.

Erica (29:42) 
Yes. Yes.

Stacie (29:51) 
And that makes me so proud. You’re going to make me cry. 

Erica (29:54) 
Oh yeah. Well, you should be proud. You should be proud.

Stacie (29:59) 
I remember when I caught a cold. Just a regular old cold. And she went down… she felt good enough to go down to the kitchens and make me a little soup.

Erica (30:09) 
Wow. Yeah. 

Stacie (30:10) 
You know, have our roles switched for that evening a little bit to care for me. 

Erica (30:17) 
You also mentioned this idea of using creativity to find things like wonder and light and connection. And you wrote a poem that I thought was beautiful and it sort of captured this juxtaposition, if you will, between how we have to hold moments of both pain and joy. Of illness and of hope. Of darkness and of light. And so, do you mind sharing your poem with our listeners today?

Stacie (30:59) 
I would be honored to share my poem with listeners, Erica.

Erica (31:01) 
Thank you.

Stacie (31:05) 
What We Found
I watch the children come  
Some frail and tethered to tubes and pumps 
Some in wheelchairs and blue grey gowns  
Eyes brightened by the sight of glass balloons in the ceiling 
Cozy nooks for reading and drawing and playing  
Pastel painted birds upon the walls 
In their hands I see them create nests and engineer marvels  
Listen to them sing “Watermelon Sugar” and “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” 
Into the studio microphone  
Feel them break free from illness 
Step into a space of color and wonder  
Music and life 
They lift their faces and hints of smiles begin  
Laughter following in bright footfalls 
I watch as smiles become tears  
Find my own cheeks wet with a kind of happiness that had been lost 
A kind of joy that had been silenced  
Together we rise 
Give thanks for what we found  
In the small moments 
In this space where there is love  
Where there is courage 
Where there is hope to move forward  
Sunlight bursting through clouds like butterflies.

Erica (32:45) 
Where there is love. And courage. And hope. 

I know there are people listening who don’t feel that in their space right now. And it has been so impactful to hear you share that just as we met a few years ago, you penned this poem during one of the hardest times of your life. And in those small moments as you referenced, in that space, you were able to still see little moments of love. And hope. And light. And I hope that that resonates with our listeners today. That there is always hope. Even in some of the hardest moments. There is always light even in that darkness. 

And so, I am so grateful to share this space with you today. Thank you, Stacie. Thank you, Anna, for your intention and your vulnerability and your love to share today with the listeners. And thank you to our audience who continues to come back and spend some time with us. Thank you both.

Stacie (33:55) 
Thank you.

Anna (33:57) 
Thank you.

Narrator (33:59) 
Thank you for listening to Caregivers SHARE, a podcast lovingly brought to you by Patient Family-Centered Care and Psychosocial Services at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Please subscribe, leave a comment, and share this podcast with others who may benefit from this support. Visit stjude.org/caregivers-share for show notes and educational links related to each episode.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and does not render medical advice or professional services. This podcast does not establish a patient relationship between the listener and St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. The opinions expressed belong to the caregivers. Your personal experience may differ. If you have questions about individual health concerns, psychosocial needs, or specific treatment options, please discuss them with your child's medical team.   

Accuracy and availability of Caregivers SHARE: A St. Jude Podcast transcripts may vary. Transcript text may be revised to correct errors or match updates to audio. Audio on stjude.org may be edited after its original publication. The authoritative record of Caregivers SHARE: A St. Jude Podcast episode content is the audio record. 

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